Leaving it up to God

It’s been a long outstanding debate kung sino pipiliin mo - Mahal mo o Mahal ka?

As the days go by.. it’s getting clearer and clearer to me. I will choose the one who loves me most.

You know why? If a person loves you, he or she will accept you 100%. He will accept the old you and the new you. Physically or mentally.

I never realised how much I’ve changed until recently. I was not the person I was three years ago before the world shut down. With my Filipino roots, I embraced a lot of the countrys culture and beliefs. I didn’t know that staying in a country a thousand miles from where I was born has changed those culture and beliefs. It’s hard to go back to what you used to believe in. Most people in my country would think of me differently. But this is the new me.

I don’t know if I can stand to keep people around me that cannot accept me as me. That hates everything about me and everything that I do. The person whom I thought was going to make life better is now very foreign to me. Is it me who has changed? Maybe. Is it them? Maybe.

Only the Lord knows how this is going to end.

The MIRACLE

 I cannot believe I have forgotten to update my vlog about my Miracle!!!

One morning, my friend sent me a message saying his visa got approved. We both lodged our application at the same time so I thought I would check mine too. I logged in and there was no approval yet.

I moved on with my day.

Come the afternoon, I was bored and was watching Youtube when I received an email. I thought it was another one of those sales and marketing email saying they’ve got 50% off on their merchandise!

Low and behold, I was wrong. It was my residency application approval!!!!

I was so shocked that I didn’t know how to react.

I sent a message to my mom and partner straight away. I then rang my mom and family and cried with them!!! I called my partner and I cried too!! I couldn’t believe it!!! Thank you Jesus that I am finally able to call this country my home. All glory to God <3

Waiting for the miracle

 AAAAAAHHHH feels so surreal that I have submitted my residency application yesterday.

Lord, I leave this all to you. Please please please hear our prayers!!!

Lord Jesus thinking about it right now still overwhelms me.

I can’t wait until you finish the story and I can reveal the journey!!!

How you made all things possible for me!!!

Love you Lord God so so much. My life is just a reflection of how good you are.

I don’t know what to do or where I would be without you.

Please humble my heart and keep me grounded. I love you forever.

Until the miracle,

Gennin. :)

Making way for the Miracle

 It’s currently the 28th of February 2022.

I’m typing this on my bedroom at 10:40pm. I feel like crying and I’ve been trying to mask my emotions the whole day and trying to distract myself everytime. 

When I got here 7 years ago, I never thought this day would come.

From tomorrow onwards, I can now apply for Residency!!!

I feel like crying while typing this. All throughout this journey the Lord has been so faithful!!!

I thought this day would take awhile longer to come but GOD has better plans for me and my life. 

The title of this blog is making way for a miracle because everything that has happened in my life is just a miracle. I do not take credit for any of these things. Lord you are so faithful and I cannot wait to see the miracle happen!!!  Thank you Jesus for everything..EVERY LITTLE THING. 

Ghost

It’s really gloomy outside and. It feels like the rain is about to fall. The sky is really dark and here I am sitting outside trying to distract myself as much as I can. Honestly, I don’t know what to feel. 2 days before my 33rd birthday and I can say I am thriving.. but if you ask me if I’m happy.. right now I don’t have an answer to that.

6 days have passed since we last spoke. To be honest I don’t know at this stage if there is still an “us”. It’s as if suddenly, you just became a ghost of the past. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t cry but I don’t know if I should too. I hope you’re doing well and I hope if this is the end of it then time is just going to continue to pass and healing is just going to come to me. I promised myself that if this ever happens to me again, this exact same feelings 6-7 years ago, I won’t chase anyone. I will prioritise myself and I would not rely my happiness on a person. I know it’s not exactly the case right now but I feel like I’m doing well on the ‘prioritising myself’ part. 

I don’t know how long this will last and if ever this goes back to what we used to call as ‘normal’, that I would have the same feelings again. Didn’t they say that if you love someone you will not waste a day without them? Didn’t they say that if you love someone you won’t make them feel alone? Didn’t they say that if you love someone, you will always put the bad things aside and try to look at the good things? 

Well I guess what they said was true.

If this is not the indication of ‘I don’t love you anymore’, I don’t know what is.

The rain is pouring now. My eyes are about to pour too. My neighbours light just turned on and I can hear the raindrops touch the surface of the floor. I can feel the scent of a rainy night blending in with the cold breeze. It’s like the weather is trying to tell me to let it out and let it all go.

I feel so dumb right now. Maybe I should’ve stuck to what I promised myself a few years back.

To never fall in love again.

My testimony 2: Miracle worker

 Have you ever heard of the song Waymaker? The lyric goes and says God is our miracle worker.

A few days leading to my visa approval, I was anxious as it took over a month for it to be approved.

You know what God was teaching me? Patience and Trust. Complete trust in Him who knows my future way more than I do. I was walking one day and I thought to myself a few days before that if only God will give me a sign and speak to me if this is what he really wants for me and my life and my future. I doubted God for a second there. Then I saw this sign: (will edit once I get the photo from my phone). 

I don’t know about you but when I saw this, I was like okay Jesus I hear you!! :D You know God works so mysterious and so good that it’s really overwhelming for me sometimes. Lord, you’re always there for me and my family and my love. I feel your presence in every step of the way and I cannot thank you enough for speaking to me and not making me feel alone. Lord, I love you so much and I cannot wait for the years to come when you finally reveal the end of your promise and the beginning of my huge testimony!! All praises to you Lord. <3 

When God provides He provides

 Today I got a raise!!!! Wohoo!!

I will forever remember this day. God provided my partner Felix with food when he was craving for cheese pandesal and God provided for me when I wanted to provide for us in a few months time!!!

I don’t want to say what the plan is but I know God is working and will always be there for us.

Love you Lord praise be to thee forever. <3 Also, me and papa had a long and fun conversation over the phone which I loved so much :) Thank you Jesus :)