Depression-You think you know, but you've got no idea.

Has depression ever hit you? Sometimes my thoughts are best typed than spoken. I've been watching this series called 13 reasons why and it's kind of awakening how reality is being portrayed for everyone to see. It's something real. It's something you experience. If you do, admit it. Seek help.

I thank God that I have not been into that situation though at some point, I almost did. It's not something that I can joke around because I know how hard it is to be depressed. For some, it may just  be a passing word that they encounter on a not so normal circumstance. In here, it's part of our reality.

It's not like we didn't want to be where we're at now. It's just that we didn't read the full label before buying into the package. You see, having a visa means having a deadline. The best way I would describe it is, it feels like the doctor is giving me only a few months more to live. 

You know what, behind the smiles of every photo and every instagram story and Facebook story, is a story of every overseas worker. You wanna know the real deal?

We live into this world where people expect us to revolve ourselves around MONEY.

Well hello there, wake up. Your money is fooling you. 

Money is powerful and it's drawing everyone to it.

For me, it's the root cause of everything. Deny it all you want :P

Families on every home country do not realise the struggle of how every worker would manage every penny and wrestle with what they want, what they need and what's more important is what their family back home needs.

I've had a few friends who have talked to me about being depressed. I thank God for this strong wall around me that helps me fight that, every. single. freakin. day. My mom and family and aunts/cousins are just awesome and to my friends who randomly text me to encourage me without even knowing what I'm going through, I know they're all God sent. But what if, I'm only one of those lucky ones?

Depression can and may kill you. Money is not going to be a part of the picture. Your position in your career won't even matter when it hits. It goes deep into your emotions that triggers every single part of your brain. Do you know of someone who lives alone and is far away from you? Have you checked on them lately? Are you a parent who has not established a relationship with your child? Have you considered talking to them for the past few hours? 

Your presence matters. 

A chat matters.

A call matters.

Your prayer matters.

If you're someone suffering from depression and you're reading this, then two things:

If you don't believe in God, trust me on this, He is in you with this. You might reject it in your head, but if you open your heart to believe, the Holy Spirit is going to speak to you directly or through someone. But HE will speak to YOU. Have the courage to set aside what society thinks about Jesus and have the strength to surrender it to Him. What you're going through is a reminder of His existence and His existence is the ONLY way to help you through this situation or moment in your life wherein things look.. dark. Why am I so sure? E-mail me and we'll talk.

If you do believe in God, this is a time to witness Him work in your life. Confess that He is above your situation and all your emotions. Believe in His ability to bring clarity to all your questions. You are in a place where He has planted you. Have faith in His healing. Have faith in His breakthrough. 

Goodnight loves! E-mail me if you want to talk. :) God bless! Cheers since it's almost the weekend! :P

xoxo, Gennin

P.S. Haven't proof read (I know, AGAIN) this so you're in for a serious blog of grammatical errors. Forgive me, it's 11:45pm. :P 

Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?

This is my third blog draft and if I don't get to publish this, I am heading home right this instant. Haha! I wrote a totally sad blog which I didn't finish but to tell you briefly about it, I was planning on writing a short story. (Would you be interested to read it? Let me know!) Sometimes, it's time for you to really pursue what you're passionate to do. Most of the time, when the knowledge disappears, it's passion that's whats keeping us going.

Lately, I have been having dilemmas about my life and I won't share it here because if you really want to know you'll message me to find out. :P

Have you ever felt lost and you're in that moment of your life that you feel like it's not the perfect time to be lost because the clock is ticking and you yourself are aging?

Well, well, well....

I am writing this to inspire someone today. I may not have a lot of blog readers but if you are one and you would like to continue to be one, thank you. <3 Just like what my little cousin would often say, "You make my heart super happy." Hihi.

Writing is something that I wanted to take up subjects in when I was still in Uni (but never got to). I may not be the best but I believe that in the heart and sincerity of what you write, people would learn more about the inner you and as you write, you will be surprised on how deep your inner self can get. Another thing that you might not know is that I was awarded Best in Computer at some point in my high school life. Haha! It was a time when we were developing websites and doing marquees and all that. It took one teacher that I really look up to, to believe in me. Since then, I also had this drive to study I.T. but people kept telling me that it's complicated and it's not what I'm good at you already know what those nega trolls are saying. Haha! :P

You might think that I couldn't make up my mind and that's the reason why I'm quite lost right now. If you're going to ask me, that's not personally true to me. Yes, as girls we can be fickle as to what we really want but if you let your heart do the talking, you would already know the answer.

In this challenge that I have now, I am so overwhelmed of how God is still hanging on to me. I was in the verge of letting go and giving it all up when God reminded me today (at a seminar, I know, I was supposed to be listening. haha! Don't worry, I was but my attention span lasts for only 15mins. The breaks were helpful. :P), anyway, God reminded me that I was not alone. He literally had to put that on a Powerpoint presentation just so I'd remember. Haha!

God knows what my thoughts are on a day to day basis and though my face on Facebook and Instagram looks happy, there are a lot of mixed emotions going on inside of me that I cannot confide to anyone else but Him. I had to take this time off after the seminar and head on to the library because I needed the time to think and clear my head and just take in His goodness. 

So, can I encourage you today before I end this, wherever you are in this stage of your life, to:

• Begin with a prayer of praise.
• Present your dilemma.
• Cry if you need to.
• and then let it go.

Through it all, Believe. Believe that while you're waiting to learn something new or while you're waiting for something, someone or whatever it is that you are waiting on, you are going through a process of being good and better on the outside because there is something supernatural that's working within you that is unexplainable. You don't need to justify God to other people. Let your life and experience speak. If you fear that you'll end up disappointed or people would look down on you if you do, then you don't yet fully realise the capacity of what God can do to your life in a span of even a split second. "Have faith" is a cliche statement but mind you, if you do, you'll do great things. <3

Alright, I need to go now or else I'll freeze in the cold. :P Bye! 

xoxo, Gennin