Here I am scrolling through my phone sitting silently at the corner of the train. I looked up to rest my eyes from the screen then I saw this young lady on the side looking so happy. Her hair was tied up in a loose ponytail. Her eyes twinkled with happiness as she talks about random stuff with her friend beside her. 'It's nice to be young again', I said to myself. For a moment, I thought of how I used to be when I was her age. All I did was study, spend time with family, watch some Meteor Garden (90s people represent. haha) and your usual, eat, sleep, repeat. Life was hard at times but it was fun.
I had these thoughts while I stared at them for a few seconds. Then what I saw hurt me.
She crossed her right leg on top of the other and there it was. Blade marks. Not one, not two, but more than ten of them. I couldn't see if she had the same marks on the other leg but from what I saw, I knew that that girl is going through something. Her blade marks were as long as the rip that you see on your ripped jeans. I had to take a few glances to confirm if it was real. It was. I wish it was just a mark from a pen but the thin blood clot gave it away. She was wearing shorts on a not so cold winter night which made it more visible. Was it a call for help? I don't know.
Yesterday, a friend of mine also shared this story. His daughters' boyfriend killed himself.
The guy was seen happy the day before that.
A friend was serving at the mission and this guy came up to her and said, "I almost killed myself last week."
I read from a news an hour ago that this famous Korean actress was just recently found dead.
Her cause of death?
Suicide.
Living far away from home for a few years now, to be honest, I know how it feels. I never got to the point where I wanted to commit suicide (Thank you Jesus!), but I know how it feels to keep it all to yourself.
Hearing these news or stories are not new to me anymore. It's a sad statement to say but at whatever age you are, you don't deserve to be hurt - your life deserves to be lived. I'm tearing up as I'm typing this because I know how it feels to not be okay. I know how one statement, one word, one gesture or even one message can turn your life around. I don't 100% agree that social media is the cause of this. It's us. It's the people surrounding people. I'm not saying I never said any hurtful thing against someone because I have. Starting today, I'm choosing to be more cautious.
To the young lady that I saw on the train, I don't know who you are but seeing you smile despite what you're going through, just proves that you are strong. I pray that you'll find a courage to remain strong. A courage to open up and speak to someone. I pray that your life will become a testimony.
This experience today taught me the importance of being a listener. You need not say anything. Just listen. If you're reading this and you need someone to listen to, please feel free to e-mail me.gjustlisten@gmail.com
Your identity will be kept confidential.
Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV)
xoxo, Gennnin
P.S. Thank you mama for always listening to me. <3
Thank you Love for also always listening to me. haha :P
Thank you thank you Jesus for listening to my mind when my mouth is tired of talking. <3
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