Dear Love

Dear Love,

By the time you're reading this, I will be on a plane home to see you. It's amazing how fast the time goes. We've been through so much and people just don't know it. Love, last year, I prayed and declared that God will give me the person he wants for me. Few months later, I met you.

You are funny and witty and corny at the same time. When you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was a bit hesitant since my past experience wasn't the greatest. But I know how much you love God and that was enough for me to trust you. So.. I said Yes.

You made me kilig again and I know this is cringy and so arte but after all these years, I've never met someone that I click with as much as I click with you. Yihee. Haha!

Love, you make me laugh by bullying me.

My testimony 1: Your favour waits

 Today, it’s announced that we’re on lockdown again for another 2 weeks. I ws scrolling through Facebook after eating dinner and talking to my little brother and I came across a video posted in our Life Central group. The Epic Youth team posted an acoustic version of the song ‘Every little thing’ and I just broke down. I guess it’s true that God can touch you wherever you are. Whether you’re sitting down in your room or in a bus when the Holy spirit touches you, you can just feel it.

The lady sang the first few notes.. “Your favour waits within the future. My dreams are small compared to yours. Why would I worry about tomorrow when I know that all I gotta do is trust you Lord.”

It’s amazing how God can bring one song or whatever it is to let you know that he is with you. You know what, lately, I’m so stressed. I’ve had sleepless nights. I couldn’t sleep til early in the morning and all day I just lie down in bed and sleep. I’ve been thinking about my visa, my move to a separate apartment, my relationship, how to get my partner here.. just a lot of things in my head that I realised I’ve been masking with a smile but after hearing the song, I just broke down into tears as God is reminding me again that all I need to do is Trust HIM and everything will be alright. Lord, thank you. I feel you with me as I am writing this. My parents and family may be far from me but You Lord are with me.

I feel better now after crying. I just needed that reminder from you Lord. I have screen recorded and attached the video beow. Hoopefully the team are okay with it. Such a blessing during this lockdown period. Just a message that I needed to hear from the Lord. <3

I’m dying inside

It’s been six days since we last talked. I miss you so badly.. This feeling reminds me of the time that I was crying so hard for my first love begging him to come back. I hate this feeling. I hate being ignored and not knowing how to contact you. I heard your voice for the first time today when I called your mom. It brought me so much joy. I cannot explain how many tears I’ve shed because of how much I miss you. I know that I just went on a vacation but every silent moment that I have for myself, I think of you. I try to distract myself as much as I can to forget about you but it’s hard.. It hurts my heart so much thinking you of all people would make me feel this way again.. :(

I hope and pray that you’re doing well.. I hope you’re not talking to anyone else :( It breaks my heart so much whenever I think about these things… Thinking about you talking to another woman just hurts me so much. 

I wish we’re back to how we were.. I miss your good morning texts.. I miss watching you eat and watching you throw a kiss at me on the screen.. I don’t know if this is the end of this..

You know what they say about a man ignoring a woman? They said he’s no longer interested..

If you’te not interested anymore,please free me from this pain. 

Know that whatever you decide on, I will always love you even from afar.

I love you tetebuts. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Stranger

Minsan ang hirap no? Someone you love so much is acting like a stranger now.

I don’t know why God is making me experience this pain. These past few days I’ve just been so lonely. Things happened so quickly that it caught me off guard.

Now here I am in tears of what has happened trying to regain what was lost.

It’s deteriorating but I know God is our restorer. He will restore a love if it was meant for His will.

Right now I’m going to be honest and say that I’m still holding on but if I’m the only one, I guess soon I would have to let go. I miss him but..

Why do we fall in love?

 Sometimes you ask yourself, is it worth it to fall in love again?

Is it worth it to experience hurt and feeling alone despit having someone in your life?

I ask myself thart question now as I’ve never felt so alone.

I guess, this is Gods’ way of telling me that he’s there for me despite everyone leaving. 

Despite the person I love ignoring me.

These are the times when I ask myself, why did I even allow myself to fall in love again? 

These are the times when I question why I allow myself to open up again.

This time around though, I won’t beg.

I won’t doubt myself. I won’t be chasing no one because I know my worth now more than ever.

It’s sad to see a love slowly fading away.

I guess, this is it. - G