If I die

 I have never really thought about what I want to say if I die but in times like these, I better write this up or people might never hear what I have to say.

If I die, I would like to tell my mom that:

I really thank her and papa for giving me the opportunity to study and work abroad. God used them as instruments to help fulfill my dream. Ma, thank you for always encouraging me and sometimes also being my worst critique. Haha! Thank you for being my best friend more than a mom. As I grow older, I realised how much you’ve sacrificed for us just to give us everything that we one. I remember there was a time that I wanted these converse glittery shoes so bad and it costs more than a few thousand pesos but you still ended up buying it for me. Thank you for being a really good example to us. You never spoke a bad word to us (not that I remember) and you always pray for us. I first learned about Jesus because of you. Thank you for not giving up on our family when things went downhill at some point. Thank you for always being there and never complaining. Thank you for listening to all my good and bad news and for celebrating with me. Thank you for accepting Felix and for loving him too. Thank you for always being there for me at the hospital when I was consistently there. I wish we could’ve travelled more together but since I’m no longer here on earth, maybe in another life.

Thank you for showing us to live simply and for being the definition of unconditional love (next to Jesus of course haha).Ma, I only hope to be as good as you.

If I die, I would like to tell my papa that:

We may have differences and don’t always meet eye to eye but yesterday during your birthday, I saw how gentle you are as a person. How simple your wants are. I don’t think you give yourself credit for all your achievements in live and you always just look down on yourself. Papa, all you want is for people to love you that’s why you’re concerned if your sisters or brothers don’t care about you or don’t talk to you. What they don’t understand is that’s how you show love and that you have a soft spot and all you want them to do is for them to say hi and nothing more. Papa, you taught us the greatest lesson of all, to love one another. I will always remember that saying posted near our stairs and you always point us back to that whenever me and Shoty used to fight.  Pa, thank you for providing for us and for always working just to give us what we want and need. I can now see you eye to eye. I know I’ve hurt you for what I’ve said but thanks for still accepting me and for opening your mind to listening to us too. We love you so much pa. Thanks for loving Felix as much as me. I can only hope to be good of a cook as you but no one will top the way you cook! Pa, thanks for teaching me how to love despite things becoming difficult.

If I die, I would like to tell Shoty that:

I am so proud of who you are and what you’ve become. Whenever I see you with Yana and the way you play with her and take care of her, I am feeling so proud inside. Of course, I will not tell you that because it will go straight to your head hahaha feeler :P I know you feel like the family doesn’t recognise you and your achievements but what you don’t know is that we’re all so happy to see where you are now. Happily married, have a stable job and have the cutest baby ever. I know you’re pressured to provide for your family but don’t be. I know you’re doing as much as you can and you’ll get there. You’ve chosen the right wife to live life with. I apologise if I did you guys wrong in the past but I’m so grateful with our relationship now. You talk to me now more than ever and we’ve never been this close. Bok, take care of your family and take care of ours when I’m gone. You’re the best person for the job. Always got you. :) Shot, Thanks for loving Felix and for welcoming him to our family. Before I leave this earth, I want you to know that I wish that I could’ve spent more time with you but no one will ever replace the time where it was just you and me playing wrestling, balay2, basketball and pretending to be power rangers. Hahaha. Love you bok.

If I die, I would like to tell Boki that:

You are one of the smartest person I know. You have achieved so much at your age and I’ve seen you work your way to become the best at everything. You started of with failing grades and who knows you might graduate cum laude soon! Haha! So proud of you boki. You will always be my little boki who laughs in his stroller and who laughs whenever we tickle him. Boki, I know you’ll make it big someday but please always talk to achi. I will never forget our handshakes and will never stop annoying you even if I’m gone. I know you’re afraid of monsters so goodluck achi will visit you hahaha. I will try to give you all the things that you need as much as I can. Thank you for always opening up to achi and for always calling achi to tell me about your work, school and lovelife. I hope you’ll find the right person someday but don’t rush it because no matter what age you are, you will always be achis baby hahaha. Boki, stay humble and always love and look after our family when I’m no longer here on earth. Achi loves you so much. Please teach your future kids how to dance westlife too. Hahaha. :P Also, remember that money isn’t everything. It’s always about how you treat people. Boki, Thank you because I know deep inside even if you won’t admit it you’re jealous of Felix but you still accepted him and loved him. Can’t wait for what the future holds for you boki. Achi will be watching proud in heaven. Still text me if you need me. I will try to reply as your angel. :P Love you boki!