After crying my heart out last Sunday at church (Trust me when God speaks to you through the Holy Spirit you'll know what I mean. Haha!), mind you it's so hard when nobody's there to make you feel better thus I miss Rosca. Haha!, I felt this need to blog about the only "person" who stood by me when everyone else's presence is not there.
I've always been a mama's girl and I'm proud to say that. I've kinda gotten used to having my mom around me and moving out of the country last year was hard because of the bond that I have with my mom. I feel homesick from time to time but when I realised that I have a God who never leaves my side, I begin to feel at peace with where I'm at right now. God gives me the feeling of comfort more than the feeling that my mom gives me whenever she's around or nearby. God makes me feel this unexplainable peace in my heart that surprisingly is nothing compared to any feeling that I get from anyone around me.
The theme at church this week or month is all about knowledge, understanding and wisdom. Lately, I don't know how to explain this but even if I'm happy, I'm sort of not deep inside? Sometimes I'd call it hormones but when it lasts for more that a week I'd call it emptiness of the heart. I'm not quite sure about what I'm talking about here actually. Haha! I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Anyway, I believe that what I'm feeling now is because of that lack of connection with God lately. Do you know how I pray every morning, every night or wherever I am I talk to God but I kind of feel like I'm not 100% into Him?
Last Sunday, I was talking to God about everything that I was feeling within that week and that I feel dumb at work since some people would make you feel that way and then the pastor goes and says all the right things which makes me believe that God is telling me something through other people. One recent testimony I have is that earlier that Sunday I was searching for my bus timetable since I don't know how to get home after the 6:30pm service, haha, at that moment when the timetable showed up on my phone's screen, I received a text message from my housemate asking me if I wanted to go home with her that night. See how God works? I don't believe that it's a coincidence because the timing was so perfect that no coincidence could ever top that. :)
I also learned that talking about your blessings is not boasting about it because everything that you've received was not done but given to you by God and that you may use those experiences to inspire and lead people towards God and not make yourself any different from them. As a christian (Well, can't wait to be baptised soon! Hihi), I'm not perfect. I make mistakes in a day to day basis. I get angry. I curse at times (Sorry Lord). I do stuff that seems more "worldly" instead of "Godly". It's not easy to admit that but you know what, those bad things that you've done in the past and has done yesterday, two days ago, a week ago... They can become an inspiration for you to use in the future to lead people to God.
I used to wonder why those who are sexually abused, battered, those who did drugs, those who cheated on their husbands and wives, those who had the worst experience that you can think of, are the ones giving the best talk about Jesus and what He can do. The answer is, that's our God. He calls us and when we respond to Him, He restores us from our brokenness and makes us feel like a whole new person. Of course, the world around us wouldn't believe that and would judge us immediately but through all that, when we cling to God, things that people say around us just doesn't matter anymore. God's words become our anchor and His words shields us from all the judgements of the world.
So when people don't like you, refuse to be with you and isolates you because you love God, then you're not with the right people and you're better of without them. If people makes you feel less worthy to be with them just because you refuse to dwell on what is earthly and decide to focus on what you can do for God, then God is removing them from your life for a reason. I'm not the type of person who easily gives up on people. I'd usually stand by even if I get hurt because I want to prove to them that there is goodness in each of their hearts. Sometimes I do get tired and sometimes I'd get told off. Haha! But oh well, I'll just continue to be that way and who knows, one day, a miracle might happen and they'd actually ask about God and come to church. :)
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