My testimony 2: Miracle worker

 Have you ever heard of the song Waymaker? The lyric goes and says God is our miracle worker.

A few days leading to my visa approval, I was anxious as it took over a month for it to be approved.

You know what God was teaching me? Patience and Trust. Complete trust in Him who knows my future way more than I do. I was walking one day and I thought to myself a few days before that if only God will give me a sign and speak to me if this is what he really wants for me and my life and my future. I doubted God for a second there. Then I saw this sign: (will edit once I get the photo from my phone). 

I don’t know about you but when I saw this, I was like okay Jesus I hear you!! :D You know God works so mysterious and so good that it’s really overwhelming for me sometimes. Lord, you’re always there for me and my family and my love. I feel your presence in every step of the way and I cannot thank you enough for speaking to me and not making me feel alone. Lord, I love you so much and I cannot wait for the years to come when you finally reveal the end of your promise and the beginning of my huge testimony!! All praises to you Lord. <3 

When God provides He provides

 Today I got a raise!!!! Wohoo!!

I will forever remember this day. God provided my partner Felix with food when he was craving for cheese pandesal and God provided for me when I wanted to provide for us in a few months time!!!

I don’t want to say what the plan is but I know God is working and will always be there for us.

Love you Lord praise be to thee forever. <3 Also, me and papa had a long and fun conversation over the phone which I loved so much :) Thank you Jesus :)

If I die

 I have never really thought about what I want to say if I die but in times like these, I better write this up or people might never hear what I have to say.

If I die, I would like to tell my mom that:

I really thank her and papa for giving me the opportunity to study and work abroad. God used them as instruments to help fulfill my dream. Ma, thank you for always encouraging me and sometimes also being my worst critique. Haha! Thank you for being my best friend more than a mom. As I grow older, I realised how much you’ve sacrificed for us just to give us everything that we one. I remember there was a time that I wanted these converse glittery shoes so bad and it costs more than a few thousand pesos but you still ended up buying it for me. Thank you for being a really good example to us. You never spoke a bad word to us (not that I remember) and you always pray for us. I first learned about Jesus because of you. Thank you for not giving up on our family when things went downhill at some point. Thank you for always being there and never complaining. Thank you for listening to all my good and bad news and for celebrating with me. Thank you for accepting Felix and for loving him too. Thank you for always being there for me at the hospital when I was consistently there. I wish we could’ve travelled more together but since I’m no longer here on earth, maybe in another life.

Thank you for showing us to live simply and for being the definition of unconditional love (next to Jesus of course haha).Ma, I only hope to be as good as you.

If I die, I would like to tell my papa that:

We may have differences and don’t always meet eye to eye but yesterday during your birthday, I saw how gentle you are as a person. How simple your wants are. I don’t think you give yourself credit for all your achievements in live and you always just look down on yourself. Papa, all you want is for people to love you that’s why you’re concerned if your sisters or brothers don’t care about you or don’t talk to you. What they don’t understand is that’s how you show love and that you have a soft spot and all you want them to do is for them to say hi and nothing more. Papa, you taught us the greatest lesson of all, to love one another. I will always remember that saying posted near our stairs and you always point us back to that whenever me and Shoty used to fight.  Pa, thank you for providing for us and for always working just to give us what we want and need. I can now see you eye to eye. I know I’ve hurt you for what I’ve said but thanks for still accepting me and for opening your mind to listening to us too. We love you so much pa. Thanks for loving Felix as much as me. I can only hope to be good of a cook as you but no one will top the way you cook! Pa, thanks for teaching me how to love despite things becoming difficult.

If I die, I would like to tell Shoty that:

I am so proud of who you are and what you’ve become. Whenever I see you with Yana and the way you play with her and take care of her, I am feeling so proud inside. Of course, I will not tell you that because it will go straight to your head hahaha feeler :P I know you feel like the family doesn’t recognise you and your achievements but what you don’t know is that we’re all so happy to see where you are now. Happily married, have a stable job and have the cutest baby ever. I know you’re pressured to provide for your family but don’t be. I know you’re doing as much as you can and you’ll get there. You’ve chosen the right wife to live life with. I apologise if I did you guys wrong in the past but I’m so grateful with our relationship now. You talk to me now more than ever and we’ve never been this close. Bok, take care of your family and take care of ours when I’m gone. You’re the best person for the job. Always got you. :) Shot, Thanks for loving Felix and for welcoming him to our family. Before I leave this earth, I want you to know that I wish that I could’ve spent more time with you but no one will ever replace the time where it was just you and me playing wrestling, balay2, basketball and pretending to be power rangers. Hahaha. Love you bok.

If I die, I would like to tell Boki that:

You are one of the smartest person I know. You have achieved so much at your age and I’ve seen you work your way to become the best at everything. You started of with failing grades and who knows you might graduate cum laude soon! Haha! So proud of you boki. You will always be my little boki who laughs in his stroller and who laughs whenever we tickle him. Boki, I know you’ll make it big someday but please always talk to achi. I will never forget our handshakes and will never stop annoying you even if I’m gone. I know you’re afraid of monsters so goodluck achi will visit you hahaha. I will try to give you all the things that you need as much as I can. Thank you for always opening up to achi and for always calling achi to tell me about your work, school and lovelife. I hope you’ll find the right person someday but don’t rush it because no matter what age you are, you will always be achis baby hahaha. Boki, stay humble and always love and look after our family when I’m no longer here on earth. Achi loves you so much. Please teach your future kids how to dance westlife too. Hahaha. :P Also, remember that money isn’t everything. It’s always about how you treat people. Boki, Thank you because I know deep inside even if you won’t admit it you’re jealous of Felix but you still accepted him and loved him. Can’t wait for what the future holds for you boki. Achi will be watching proud in heaven. Still text me if you need me. I will try to reply as your angel. :P Love you boki!

Dear Love

Dear Love,

By the time you're reading this, I will be on a plane home to see you. It's amazing how fast the time goes. We've been through so much and people just don't know it. Love, last year, I prayed and declared that God will give me the person he wants for me. Few months later, I met you.

You are funny and witty and corny at the same time. When you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was a bit hesitant since my past experience wasn't the greatest. But I know how much you love God and that was enough for me to trust you. So.. I said Yes.

You made me kilig again and I know this is cringy and so arte but after all these years, I've never met someone that I click with as much as I click with you. Yihee. Haha!

Love, you make me laugh by bullying me.

My testimony 1: Your favour waits

 Today, it’s announced that we’re on lockdown again for another 2 weeks. I ws scrolling through Facebook after eating dinner and talking to my little brother and I came across a video posted in our Life Central group. The Epic Youth team posted an acoustic version of the song ‘Every little thing’ and I just broke down. I guess it’s true that God can touch you wherever you are. Whether you’re sitting down in your room or in a bus when the Holy spirit touches you, you can just feel it.

The lady sang the first few notes.. “Your favour waits within the future. My dreams are small compared to yours. Why would I worry about tomorrow when I know that all I gotta do is trust you Lord.”

It’s amazing how God can bring one song or whatever it is to let you know that he is with you. You know what, lately, I’m so stressed. I’ve had sleepless nights. I couldn’t sleep til early in the morning and all day I just lie down in bed and sleep. I’ve been thinking about my visa, my move to a separate apartment, my relationship, how to get my partner here.. just a lot of things in my head that I realised I’ve been masking with a smile but after hearing the song, I just broke down into tears as God is reminding me again that all I need to do is Trust HIM and everything will be alright. Lord, thank you. I feel you with me as I am writing this. My parents and family may be far from me but You Lord are with me.

I feel better now after crying. I just needed that reminder from you Lord. I have screen recorded and attached the video beow. Hoopefully the team are okay with it. Such a blessing during this lockdown period. Just a message that I needed to hear from the Lord. <3

I’m dying inside

It’s been six days since we last talked. I miss you so badly.. This feeling reminds me of the time that I was crying so hard for my first love begging him to come back. I hate this feeling. I hate being ignored and not knowing how to contact you. I heard your voice for the first time today when I called your mom. It brought me so much joy. I cannot explain how many tears I’ve shed because of how much I miss you. I know that I just went on a vacation but every silent moment that I have for myself, I think of you. I try to distract myself as much as I can to forget about you but it’s hard.. It hurts my heart so much thinking you of all people would make me feel this way again.. :(

I hope and pray that you’re doing well.. I hope you’re not talking to anyone else :( It breaks my heart so much whenever I think about these things… Thinking about you talking to another woman just hurts me so much. 

I wish we’re back to how we were.. I miss your good morning texts.. I miss watching you eat and watching you throw a kiss at me on the screen.. I don’t know if this is the end of this..

You know what they say about a man ignoring a woman? They said he’s no longer interested..

If you’te not interested anymore,please free me from this pain. 

Know that whatever you decide on, I will always love you even from afar.

I love you tetebuts. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Stranger

Minsan ang hirap no? Someone you love so much is acting like a stranger now.

I don’t know why God is making me experience this pain. These past few days I’ve just been so lonely. Things happened so quickly that it caught me off guard.

Now here I am in tears of what has happened trying to regain what was lost.

It’s deteriorating but I know God is our restorer. He will restore a love if it was meant for His will.

Right now I’m going to be honest and say that I’m still holding on but if I’m the only one, I guess soon I would have to let go. I miss him but..

Why do we fall in love?

 Sometimes you ask yourself, is it worth it to fall in love again?

Is it worth it to experience hurt and feeling alone despit having someone in your life?

I ask myself thart question now as I’ve never felt so alone.

I guess, this is Gods’ way of telling me that he’s there for me despite everyone leaving. 

Despite the person I love ignoring me.

These are the times when I ask myself, why did I even allow myself to fall in love again? 

These are the times when I question why I allow myself to open up again.

This time around though, I won’t beg.

I won’t doubt myself. I won’t be chasing no one because I know my worth now more than ever.

It’s sad to see a love slowly fading away.

I guess, this is it. - G

Is it worth it? A migrant story: Racist to your own kind

 It’s been over a year since I last started writing and it feels so good to finally express myself again. A few days ago, I was struggling and I feel like giving up but then I remember what kept me going. Gods’ promise despite my sins and I was reminded to go back to my first love - writing.

This story that you’re going to read happened a few years ago while I was an intern in a company. I won’t say which company or what sort of company it is as it’s going to be a huge giveaway on who I’m talking about. Haha! This is in no means to humiliate anyone but to spread awareness on racism and to encourage people to stand up in a gentle manner of course.

It started when I was an intern for a few months and I worked with amazing people. My girl boss is cool, my two other boses were fun to be with as well despite their age. Work was fun even if I waasn’t getting paid. Few months into my internship, my boss offered me a role. I was so excited as it was going to be my first legit job in this country. One day though, my bosses invited me to lunch at the third floor of the building. I went and totally forgot that I had a meeting to sign documents that afternoon! The lunch took ages as it was a three course meal. After the first or second meal, I received a call from this person asking if I’m going to down for our meeting. I was flustered and told my boss while I was on the phone that I need to leave as it totally left my mind that I was due to sign the papers that day. My boss heard who I was talking to and told me to tell this other person to reschedule as I need to finish my meal. I was torn as I knew I was in the wrong but my boss was right in front of me so I had to relay the message and hang up the call. Little did they know, the other person on the line already said some unpleasant little comments on the phone about my boss.

The meeting was rescheduled for the following day and I was so scared to go inside this person’s room as I knew this person wasn’t that pleased with what has happened yesterday. But then again, I had to go see this person so off I went. 

When I arrived inside the room, I saw that this person has the same race as me. I sat there and apologised. Before this person gave me the documents, this person made comments along the lines of ‘what if I wasn’t offered a job’, etc. and I was holding my tears in as this person was just bombarding with with nasty comments. This person even said who does my boss think he is. (It was my guy boss who told me to stay during lunch.)

I had enough. I spoke and said to this person: “look, I was offered the job, I didn’t ask for it. If you don’t want to give me the role that’s fine. I don’t care what ongoing issue you have with my boss. I’m just here to sign the documeents.” This person immediately shut up and got me to sign the documents. I walked out this person’s office crying as it was frustrating that a person of your own race is doing this to you.

This was my first racist encounter as a migrant. I have encountered a few more which I’ll share in the upcoming days. Moral of the story: Sometimes you just got to stand up for yourself.

Xoxo, Gennin